New parents locked in in-law struggle

Dear Amy: I’m 36 years old and have recently had my first and only baby.

My baby means the world to me. For now, we’ve opted to have his daddy take a year off of work to take care of our little dude.

My mother-in-law is complaining that my husband isn’t “sharing” our son with her. She seems to think she can send us away from our own son so that she can have her alone time with him, but several times when we’ve actually needed someone to watch the little man, she hasn’t been available.

She even went as far as to say she’d forward us her schedule each week so we can coordinate, based on what’s convenient for her. Amy, she’s retired!

We don’t need someone to watch him routinely; after all, my husband is home with him.

When we do have her watch him, she refuses to put him on his back alone in a crib to sleep, and the in-laws have a lot of inappropriate ideas about feeding.

I can’t have her babysit him if she refuses to be safe.

I don’t want to keep my son away from his grandmother, but she refuses to respect our wishes. — Frustrated mama

Dear Mama:

When it comes to unpaid babysitting, you take it under conditions it is offered, or you don’t take it.

Conversely, if your in-laws don’t respect your non-negotiables, they won’t be babysitting your child. Your standards seem on the rigid side, but it is your right.

However, you don’t get to cast your mother-in-law as disrespectful and/or incompetent — and then complain she is not available on your schedule. (Retired people have lives too.)

It seems that you and she are locked in a power struggle. If your mother-in-law wants access to your child, she will have to adjust to your parenting style.