Helping children make sense of mass shootings

South Florida children who still have anxiety going to school after the Parkland mass shooting hear about a shooting spree in Texas while families were buying school supplies. And their parents again find themselves faced with how to help their children and teens cope with fear and anxiety.

Concerns that may have seemed distant to previous generations are now quite real for children.

The challenge, for parents, has become how to help children process their feelings following events of such magnitude as the El Paso Walmart shooting where 22 died and the Dayton, Ohio, bar shooting where nine people died. Experts say don’t avoid the conversation because chances are it’s on the mind of your kids. With teens, it has become nearly impossible to prevent them from seeing constant news updates about the tragedies on their Instagram feeds.

“It is important to ask kids how they are feeling and do they want to talk about what’s going on,” said Brian Houston, director of the University of Missouri Disaster and Community Crisis Center. “Make sure you are not forcing the conversation but providing an easy entry point.”

Avoiding the subject is not ideal, Houston said. “Parents think if we broach the subject, we are activating worrisome thoughts. But if we don’t talk about it and our children are aware of it, we are indicating this is so scary we can’t talk about it.”

Encourage coping skills

Houston said now would also be a good time to encourage coping skills, such as taking a break from social media, exercising, and spending time with friends — finding positive ways to respond to tragedies.

Those most vulnerable for spiraling in the wake of the weekend’s shootings are kids who already felt anxious, said Jonathan Comer, associate professor of psychology and psychiatry at Florida International University in Miami. “The vast majority of kids are resilient, even those who experience horrific events. It’s a minority who go on to show prolonged distress.”

Comer said a good approach is to focus on the “good guys,” those who helped others during or after the shootings. He also recommends helping children put the events into perspective. “We still want to encourage our children to think of the world as a safe place. Avoiding school and public spaces is not functional.”

Talk them through it, he says. “Every time you get into a car there is a risk, but you are not going to avoid getting into a car.”

Focus on positive actions

Parents can encourage children to take positive actions, rather than feeling scared or helpless. Younger children can write thank you letters to first responders or make cards for the injured.

Older children can get involved in activism to curb gun violence and improve school safety.

“We want to encourage children to get engaged in a way that is going to provide hope and optimism,” said Scott Poland, professor at Nova Southeastern University’s College of Psychology. “If they are old enough to vote, encourage them to let their voice be heard.”

Keep your emotions in check

Not everyone is going to respond the same way when they hear about the continued explosion of gun violence. Some children and teens may become angry, and others may feel numb. Some may want to talk right away, and others may need time.

Regardless, parents should process their own emotions before talking to their children. Be open about anxiety, but not excessive, Comer said.

Some parents may feel a sense of despair, a normal response to the recent news of more mass shootings. “If you can’t control your emotions, take a step away and return to talk to your child when you’re more composed,” Comer said. “Even teenagers take cues from their parents to gauge how to cope.”

Comer advises parents to avoid mentioning vivid details of the shootings to children, and encourage them to go back to a normal routine as quickly as possible.

“They may want to stop certain activities, or maybe they do not feel safe to going to the theater or mall. Staying home or avoiding these places can snowball,” Comer said. “The best thing you can do for your children is get them back to their normal routines as quickly as possible.”