In-laws endanger allergic wife

Dear Amy: I have an extremely severe food allergy.

I carry an EpiPen; I’ve been hospitalized multiple times because of exposure to this allergen.

My husband explained this to his parents when we started dating.

Since then, most meals we have shared at their house have had very limited options for me. They manage to find a way to add the ingredient I’m allergic to, to almost everything.

When I was pregnant, my husband told them we would not take part in any family meals if they didn’t promise to keep the meals allergyfree.

His dad said, “We can’t promise that. Everyone except your wife likes that food, and we’re not changing what we eat for one person.”

We no longer spend holidays with them, and rarely speak.

They don’t get to see their grandkids.

Short of taking them a doctor’s note, telling them my allergy is real, I’m not sure what to do.

My husband supports me 100 percent and he is very angry and hurt by their actions. — Disrespected DIL

Dear Disrespected: I doubt a doctor’s note would have any effect on them. They are either willfully and woefully ignorant of the life-threatening aspects of your serious food allergy, or they are simply mean and willing to endanger you.

You are not the cause of this rift. They are.

Yes, they are not likely to change, so I suppose you could make the effort to forgive them and move on. But in moving on, you will not be moving toward them, because it is dangerous for you to do so.

If your in-laws wanted to have contact with you, your husband and their grandchildren, it would be very easy for them to do so at any of the myriad occasions in a family’s life not involving food.