Wife doesn’t want to beg for contact

Dear Amy: My husband and I separated a while back because he had an affair and left me for another woman. He hasn’t seen or spoken to our sons in over a month.

Must I contact him and beg him to speak to his kids?

I don’t want to do that. It shouldn’t have to be up to me to reach out.

I feel that if he cared he would contact his children.

What advice do you have for me? — Saddened

Dear Saddened: I have been through this, both as a child with a father who left, and then again as a parent, with a spouse who left.

I watched my own mother behave with dignity, maturity and good humor In my own adulthood, I tried to do the same. It’s hard.

I’ll pass along my advice from the trenches: Get great, compassionate and familycentered legal advice. And always put your children first.

I can well imagine how disgusted you feel about your husband’s behavior. He cheated on you (and the kids), and then he dumped the lot of you.

Surely you shouldn’t have to bear this indignity, and then clean up after him!

And yet — you should. Because that’s what good parents do. Your sons already have one crappy parent; you get to be the good one.

I’m assuming that your children either want to have contact with their father, or are at the very least conflicted about him. You should encourage them to talk about how they feel, without fear that they might trigger an angry reaction from you.

You and your children deserve better, and yet this is what you got. They’ve had no part in their father’s betrayal, but they are paying the price.

Yes, you should do what you can to pave the way toward contact. I’m not suggesting that you beg, but that you make sure their father understands that the kids miss him and would like to have contact with him.