Father leaves some sons less than other

Dear Amy: Should I tell my sons that their father has elected to bequeath them half of what he is bequeathing their three half-siblings?

The siblings are close and have a strong bond. They all love their father.

This information only came to light recently at our divorce trial.

I’m shocked and heartbroken, but I don’t think I should tell our children.

I need some sage advice. — Caught in a Dilemma

Dear Caught: No, you should not discuss this estate matter with your sons. Fresh into a divorce from their father, it is information that is easily misunderstood or misinterpreted.

Importantly, your soon-tobe ex could change his mind (and change his will) repeatedly as time goes on.

Also, unless this becomes a matter for the court to decide in your divorce proceedings, how your ex divides his estate post-divorce is not your business. And it is not your sons’ business.

Hearing his reasons for doing this might help you to understand and accept his choice.

It occurs to me that he is making an assumption that since he is (perhaps) surrendering half his income — and other assets — acquired during his marriage to you (in the divorce), you will also be leaving your assets to your sons after your death.

Will you divide your estate equally with your sons and their half-siblings? I presume not, but you should think about this.

Treating children even-handedly doesn’t always translate into treating them equally. Misunderstandings and fights over money can do irreparable damage to family relationships.

Do your best to have a peaceful divorce. Always encourage your sons to maintain their close sibling relationships — matters of wealth aside, they are all very lucky in this regard.