Sun Sentinel Palm Beach Edition
Craigslist used to find a ‘thunder buddy.’
Floridians seek friends to ride out storm, sell their survival supplies
The year is 2019 and yet the hustle is alive and well on Craigslist.
On the website that never sleeps, yard sale enthusiasts — and let’s be honest, maybe some scammers — don’t miss a beat. So, too, is true even when a natural disaster by the name of Hurricane Dorian is threatening our shores.
All sorts of knick knacks, running the gamut from downright useful to truly confounding, hit the site late last week when the hurricane appeared to make a beeline for Florida. As of Tuesday, Dorian was on a trajectory that took it away from the state, but that doesn’t mean some online entrepreneurs aren’t still angling to make a few bucks.
And then there were those looking for love, or something like it, at least.
Below are some of Florida’s greatest offerings to the Craigslist hurricane gods because only Floridians could come up with stuff like this.
Seeking a friend for the end of the world
As the bread aisles cleared in Publix grocery stores across Florida, so too did the dreams of romantic hopefuls.
Dorian brought Orlando’s “missed connections” board this gem: “In the bread section we talked about there was no bread you had black shirt with orange sleeves I will like to find you and invite you to lunch or dinner.”
Elsewhere in the Sunshine State, singles were looking for a buddy to bear through the potential hours of darkness, humidity and boredom.
In Westside near Jacksonville, a 45-year-old white male is “looking for a nice female to be my thunder buddy and ride it out with me.”
In the Miami suburb of Kendall, a “handsome” guy in his 50s has all the essentials for his “hurricane party”: Vodka, tequila and … peanut butter.
And near West Palm Beach, a picky, 62-year-old bachelor has a list of stipulations for his storm sidekick.
“Please be in decent shape, somewhat attractive, a pillow princess would be perfect.”
Oh, and don’t make fun, he says, “this is real so please you be real too!!”
A collection of mediocre films
A Craigslist user in Orlando is
selling eight DVD films, including the blockbuster “ABCs of Acting,” that were made in Florida or have a Florida connection for those hurricane binge watchers looking for “something different.”
The pitch is irresistible. At $10 each, these movies — whose titles are difficult to discern from a blurry image — are so good that “you might be glad you lost power in the middle of these clinkers!” (Although he probably meant “clunkers.”)
Sounds fun.
An $18,000 shelter
Really it’s a 20-foot-by-8-foot shipping container, according to the listing on Craigslist, but it can double as a tiny home, a hurricane shelter or allegedly a “mobile office” — though its portability is in question.
Some other fun features: laminate
flooring, two air conditioners, two industrial fans, insulation. It’s leak proof!
Swing by Cocoa to snag this deal for the next apocalypse.
All the mini fridges you could desire
Dozens of mini fridges are waiting to go to their forever homes at a warehouse in Casselberry for $49 to $59.
Just hook these puppies up to a generator in a storm and save some power for other critical activities — like running old D-list movies on your DVD player.
Storm computers galore!
If, for whatever reason, your own computer isn’t up to par for the hurricane, several Craigslist sellers have you covered.
For $135, a Hollywood entrepreneur is selling a computer with a TV capture card, which allows TV signals to be picked up by a computer, and 200 movies from the 1980s to the early 2000s. And, for only $20 extra, and you’ll get a monitor, too.
Or you can opt for a laptop from one Flagler County seller with a pitch that’s a bit hard to digest.
These are hurricane ready laptops, “yes, really!” the seller insists.
They’ll charge your cell phones without power, “they don’t even have to on!”
WiFi, webcams and a microphone on these help you “stay in touch with family members.” And don’t forget that DVD drive so you can “watch movies to keep yourself and the kids entertained!”
Starting at $149, these “awesome” laptops are a deal, the listing says. “Call anytime! We can meet you at the shop almost anytime day or night!”
Seems legit.
Get your chickens and get them alive
A Space Coast seller has a can’t-miss hurricane deal on live, walking, clucking chickens.
If the aisles are empty at Publix and you’re looking for a friend for the hurricane (see the posting above), then listen up. At $12 each, these six-month-old chicks are great as pets or for eggs — “NOT FOR FOOD,” the post specifies.
Good thing these aren’t being sold in Miami or we’d assume they’d also serve other purposes.