Not all relationship flags are colored red

Dear Amy: I have been dating a guy who (I thought) could be “the one.”

Tonight, he told me that instead of just being married one time (for 18 years), he was actually married a second time (for two years). This came out of nowhere. I was completely blindsided by the revelation of the second marriage (which in his words was a horrendous mistake).

I don’t know why he wasn’t honest from the beginning.

Yes, I see the many red flags, but keep seeing his “good side.” It’s what I tend to do, and I do it well.

We have been super-open and honest about everything, or so I thought.

How do I move on trusting that there is no other shoe to drop?

Do I need to calm down? OR is this the brightest shade of red on a flag yet? — Florida Flag Girl

Dear Flag: You might receive some clarity by looking at this differently.

This disclosure was offered, freely, as a way to further your intimate connection. Granted, the disclosure should have been made earlier.

Your guy deeply regrets this second marriage. He is embarrassed by it. Have you fully disclosed your most embarrassing and regrettable episodes?

Have you told him about your most horrendous mistake? If so, your own honesty and trust may have inspired him to feel comfortable enough to disclose his.

Yes, I believe this is a flag, but not necessarily a red flag. Take it more as a sign that you two are on a journey toward intimacy, and also as a very good reason not to rush headlong or blindly forward. You should always be responsible and self-protective regarding your own choices.

And yes, you should ask him what other headlines he has buried.

In short: Trust, but verify.