Stories are starting to seem like lies

Dear Amy: I’ve known “Linda” for about 10 years. Linda has always been a great storyteller.

A few years ago, she suffered a personal tragedy and I was a primary support through those times. Her attitude, understandably, turned much more negative, as did her stories. I’ve realized that she embellishes details to the point of lying.

She told some friends that years ago, she was extremely poor and could barely afford food. We were friends at the time, and I know that’s a lie because we used to eat out often, and she would buy very expensive, organic groceries regularly.

Now every time she tells me anything about her life, it is to seek sympathy, and I don’t know what to believe. If I question the details, she immediately acts like I’m being unsympathetic.

I know she will get defensive if I tell her how I feel.

Is this friendship doomed? — A Friend in Need

Dear Friend:

Good storytellers often embellish details. But these stories should always contain a kernel of truth.

If your friend tells a story that involves you or matters to you, then you should call it out. (You can easily do this without accusing someone of lying.)

I suspect the real issue here isn’t actually about the annoyance of embellishment.

This is about a friendship which used to feed you, and now depletes you.

Even if “Linda” is unable to give much emotionally, or be entertaining in the way she used to be, you might feel better about the friendship if she expressed fondness, gratitude, or appreciation for the important role you play in her life.

Yes, tell her the truth: “I feel pretty tapped out. You don’t seem to really value my company. I don’t know how to react to you anymore.”

Linda would benefit from counseling. A good therapist would weed out the truth.