‘Boy problems’ occur in middle age

Dear Amy: I have a boy problem!

I am 40 and until I met “him” just three months ago, I had pretty much decided I would be single forever. I was fine with that. Then HE came along. It was instant attraction for both of us.

We exchanged numbers and texted nonstop for two days until we were both available for a “proper date.” It was one of those great first dates. We talked about everything.

The next night, I met his 9-year-old daughter, and a couple of weeks later, I met his best friend and her husband.

We were officially a couple and making big plans. You couldn’t keep us apart. Then he got distant. He asked me to be patient with him because he was falling fast, and he was scared. I didn’t hear from him for about a week. That was a few weeks ago and now he’s back, acting like nothing is wrong. I want to ask him about it. HELP! — S

Dear S:

Passionate velocity often crashes into a sort of nascent relationship terror with equal force. What happens next, however, will help to set the stage for the rest of your relationship.

He (and you) made a rookie mistake by bringing his young daughter into the mix. Meeting the child of a single parent is something you should do maybe at the three-month mark. Yes, he was moving too fast. You were, too.

His actions, and his absence, should now be the subject of a deep and honest conversation. Is he someone who cuts and runs when he is stressed, confused, scared, or unsure? Was he in another relationship that he was exiting from during his distant time from you? Did his daughter freak out at the idea of him seriously dating?

You should be courageous enough to describe your own feelings and concerns, and ask whatever questions you want.