Family fighting over transgender child

Dear Amy: My husband and I have a 7-year-old grandson that his mother has been dressing as a girl. His mother refers to him as a “her” and uses a girl’s name.

She also wants the school to refer to him as a her (he has been having outbursts at school).

My son shares custody. The child’s mother feels she is doing what is right for him.

My grandson has seen a court-appointed therapist to make a decision on his gender issues because when he is at my son’s house or our house, he changes clothes and gets upset if anyone sees him wearing girl’s clothes.

We have told him that if he doesn’t want to wear girl’s clothes at his mother’s, he must tell her.

He says he wants to wear girl’s clothes, but his actions say otherwise. The mother has told us to not cut his hair — and lawyers advise us to go along with her. However, his hair is out of control. He has said he asked his mom to get it cut, but with COVID-19 she could not get it done.

What should we do? — Gamma

Dear Gamma: You should open your arms and love this child without pressuring them to be any different than they already are. While with you, let the child choose and wear any clothing they want.

Don’t ask loaded questions, don’t press this child about their clothing, hair, or anything else. Do NOT interrogate or interview them on camera. Just be grandparents. No child has ever needed loving, neutral, accepting grandparents more than this child does.

If your grandchild’s hair falls into their eyes, offer to let them pick out a hat, a headband, a “scrunchie,” hair clips, or anything else they might want to use. Do NOT cut the hair.

The child’s father should be in charge of navigating the aspects of this along with his ex.

All of the adults should meet with the therapist.