Person placed for adoption surfaces

Dear Amy: When my mother was a teenager, she gave birth to a son and put him up for adoption.

I only found out about it as a child because my grandmother became quite mean in her later years and told me about it in order to embarrass my mom. My mother and I never discussed it.

I bought one of those DNA testing kits and later got one for my mom, too. A few days ago, we both received an “ancestry sharing request” from a person the DNA service has identified as being my half-brother.

I asked my mom via text if she was going to respond to him, but she didn’t answer the question.

I’m not really sure if I should push the topic further with her.

Also, do I have any obligation to respond to this halfbrother? My gut instinct is to not respond at all.

Thoughts? — Wondering Half-sibling

Dear Wondering: Based on what you report, people in your family may have a pattern of dredging up challenging topics and then burying them again when they hit too close to the heart, or simply become too uncomfortable to face.

One of my favorite quotes is from the poet Robert Frost: “the best way out is always through.” I take this to mean that almost any challenging situation is made better, ultimately, by going through it, rather than around it.

You have the right to ignore him. But he has the right to some factual knowledge about his own biological and medical history, and you should be able to help provide that without entering into a relationship.

He also may not wish to enter into a sibling relationship.

Yes, this would reveal some challenging truths for your mother. You could assume that when she and her family placed her baby for adoption, they did so with the knowledge that this chapter was closed.