Isolation has worn down wife’s spirit

Dear Amy: I have been married for 20 years (no kids). It has been a good marriage and we’ve worked at it.

Ever since the pandemic hit, my wife has stopped wearing makeup or dressing up. Intimacy has stopped. Hugging and kissing has to be initiated by me. Even showers are optional.

My wife has an extensive collection of clothes and shoes that she loved wearing on weekends.

I feel like she is a shell of what she used to be. I am not sure what to do. Now she will wear the same jeans for three days in a row. She provides vague excuses.

She is now obsessed with her job. She works from home and that seems to be the only thing that gets any emotion from her.

Is this a warning sign of something? Any advice? — Pandemic Pandemonium

Dear Pandemonium:Yesterday I attended the first (outdoor) family gathering in four months. In the course of trying to get dressed, I realized that I had almost forgotten how.

My point is that when the weekdays blend into the weekends, there seems to be little reason to change out of those three-day jeans. It has also been a weird time when we women watch our gray roots grow out, go without getting our teeth cleaned, don’t wear makeup and don’t have the experience of primping.

Also, being socially isolated is extremely hard on many people in ways they may not be able to recognize or express. Your wife may be distracted, anxious and depressed, as many people are right now.Urge her to check in with her doctor to be screened for depression.

You might be able to coax her toward you by initiating an outing. Pack a picnic. Go to a nice outdoor spot where you two can sit together, take in some new scenery and reconnect. Celebrate your private blessings. Start to make plans.