Sun Sentinel Palm Beach Edition

Child is caught in family crossfire

- Amy Dickinson Readers can send email to askamy@amydickins­on.com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY, 13068.

Dear Amy: Nine-year-old “Danny” lives with his dad and grandparen­ts, and none of them get along. Danny is always caught in the middle. Danny’s dad is a jerk and spends very little time with Danny, but he lives in the same house.

If Grandma is mad at Danny’s father, (who is her son), Danny gets to hear all about it, and vice versa.

The latest example of this is that Danny is going on vacation with his grandparen­ts, but his dad wasn’t invited and doesn’t even know they are going!

How can it be right for the other family members to leave on vacation with his son and not tell him, and to demand that Danny keep this secret?

I’m a family member, who thankfully doesn’t live there. I keep my mouth shut because nobody asked me, but Danny does share with me some of his anxieties and fears.

What can I say to Danny? — Worried Relative

Dear Worried: It is NOT right for these grandparen­ts to spirit their grandson away — unless they are the child’s legal adoptive parents or guardians, it would also be illegal for them to take the child without the father’s permission.

Any parent returning home to find his child missing without explanatio­n would be justified in calling the police to report an abduction.

Poor “Danny” is in a toxic household. No adult should EVER ask a child to keep a secret from a parent; secretkeep­ing divides a child’s loyalty. It is also what people who exploit children ask them to do.

Danny can’t wait until he grows up to chart his own path. Given the dynamic in this household, the child will pay the price, and his path will be very rocky. Stay close to the boy.

You should not stay silent. This family desperatel­y needs interventi­on.

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