Doctors weigh skipping wedding

Dear Amy: My fiance and I are both doctors in a midsized American city. We are regularly caring for COVID patients and recognize that we are high-risk to be potential vectors.

My fiance’s family lives in a different state, where his sister is supposed to get married next month. Despite our frequently voiced discomfort, the current plan is for a 95-person wedding — grandparents and all! — with absolutely no COVID precautions at all in his parents’ backyard. Masks and physical distancing are not on the table.

The only concession has been that they’ve said they will understand if we feel like we can’t come.

My fiance desperately wants to be there, but it is hard to imagine spending 36 hours in a series of situations that are risky and socially negligent.

Do we go? Do we stay? — Caught Couple

Dear Caught:

You and your fiance are medical experts, but maybe it will take an amateur (me) to clarify things for you: Wake up! Wake up and smell the COVID!

As physicians on the front lines, you risk exposing others to illness.

If you as physicians lack the ability to make a clear choice, based on science, then what chance do the rest of us have?

Because you are concerned and compliant (good for you!), if you did attend the wedding, you would have to get tested, travel, (possibly) isolate, get tested again, and wear masks and maintain your distance.

The ethical choice is for you to stay home.

The way to bow out gracefully is to respond honestly: “We are heartbroken to miss this wedding, but we realize that we pose a risk to others, and we could not live with ourselves if someone became ill. ”

These family members might be willing/able to livestream.