Wondering widower won’t wait by phone

Dear Amy: After 31 years with my spouse, I’m now dating (I’m a widower).

There is a guy with whom I thought I had a good rapport. He reached out to me last week expressing an interest in getting together over the weekend. I responded that I’d like that, and gave him my availability.

I never heard back from him. I texted him Sunday night just to confirm that he was OK.

He replied, apologizing for the weekend getting away from him, and said that he had a work project due the next day.

I respect the fact that he takes his work seriously, but I am bothered that he did not let me know his weekend plans were changed.

To me, a quick text letting me know he needed to cancel would have been common courtesy.

Is this how things work now? — Dating Newbie

Dear Newbie: Even though modern technology has made it possible for us to be in touch basic human behavior and dynamics have stayed fairly constant over time.

If someone wants to be with you, he will leap over boundaries and deadlines to see you. And if an emergency keeps him away, you will be the first to know.

Dating is actually great practice at reading social cues.

You and he did not actually have “previously stated” plans. There was a vague and nonspecific plan-balloon floating over your weekend.

When this guy decided he didn’t want to see you, he didn’t bother letting you know. (Rudeness is a cue.)

Common courtesy is still common, and when someone is truly interested in seeing you, he will demonstrate this by being kind, polite, and eager to see you. Never supply a rationale or excuse for someone else’s rudeness.

Move on. When the guy is right for you, you will know it.