Woman being ‘ghosted’ goes back

Dear Amy: I’m a smart, well-educated woman in my mid-50s. I’ve been dating “Chas,” (in his mid-60s) for five years. This is my first relationship after over 30 years with my ex.

Chas and I have maintained a long-distance relationship. He tells me daily how much he loves me. He got a tattoo with my initials.

I have a great job in health care. Before the pandemic we managed to meet every four to six weeks. We’ve discussed moving in together. I have been looking for a job closer to him (he’s retired).

I love him, although he is very moody and has been verbally abusive.

Recently over the phone, we had a small argument; I suggested that we cool off and talk again before the end of the day.

Well, I have not heard from him since (more than two months ago).

Some of these “off” periods have lasted as long as six months, and I am always the one to reach out.

Friends say this is “ghosting,” and is widespread in the dating world now.

How do I move forward? — Blind-sided

Dear Blind-sided: “Ghosting” is when someone ignores you, without explanation.

Yes, he is ghosting you. He has done this before, and you have always coaxed him back. Over the course of your fiveyear relationship, you have done the heavy lifting.

You could use this man’s behavior as an excuse to avoid all men. You could claim that you’ve been spooked by “ghosting,” but — this is actually about you. Chas was abandoning you the whole time. Every time he was abusive, didn’t show up, or avoided you after a conflict, he was leaving the relationship.

I suspect that your choices now are related to your selfworth. When you truly believe you are worthy (and you are!), your relationships will reflect it.