Man resigned to nights on the couch

Dear Amy: I am approaching 70. My wife (71) and I have seen our marriage steadily decline into a relationship like roommates.

We met while working together in the media. She eventually was laid off and took it personally.

I still work in that industry.

My wife never wants to talk with me about work, because she’s still resentful.

In fact, we talk very little about anything. We have had zero intimacy for four years, and while she sleeps in the bed, I stay on the couch all night because she refuses to stop watching videos on her phone.

I handle the finances since she refuses to even talk about money.

She’s not working, nor does she want to anymore, but she spends without consideration.

She’s only looking backward. I focus on forward.

I believe she sees marriage with me only as a suitable alternative to being alone and completely broke. — Mortified Husband

Dear Mortified: If you two split your wife would likely not be left with only her meager Social Security income. Your state is an “equitable distribution” state, meaning that the courts would look at your marital assets and decide how to fairly distribute these assets.

You seem sincere in wanting your marriage to change.

I assume you are contemplating retiring soon, and this is a huge life change which will destabilize your relationship even more. You portray your wife as completely stuck, but you sound stuck, too. A couples’ counselor could help both of you to shake loose your thoughts and feelings.

You (and your wife) should read, “The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships,” by John Gottman and Joan DeClaire (2002, Harmony).