Man wants to pass the ‘friend zone’

Dear Amy: I am a 27-year-old straight man. My closest male friends are all married or engaged.

I’ve had a good deal of relationships before, some explicitly casual and a few that burned like fireworks, but I’ve never had the experience of “being friends first.” I have no idea how that would work.

I feel like I’ve passed the stage of life where relationships can grow organically out of friendships. It’s unusual for me to meet a peer who is single, let alone a single peer with whom I potentially share a deep compatibility.

So, during the pandemic, I’m taking some “time off” to work on myself. This raises the question, what am I working toward?

Any thoughts? — Always a Groomsman

Dear Groomsman: I think you might be misunderstanding the whole “friends become lovers” storyline. Yes, it’s great when Harry and Sally can have a slow-burning friendship that gradually ignites into a great love. But this is not necessarily the norm.

The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.

When you “work on yourself,” your goal should be to find new ways to experience the satisfaction (and joy) of liking — and loving — the man you are, with or without a partner.

When you’re ready, the way to meet a potential partner is to put yourself out there - telling friends and family members that you’d like to be fixed up, and, of course, using technology to match with women. You should use these meetups to continue to thoughtfully work on yourself. We are all worksin-progress.

I agree that connecting with other men is vital. There are a lot of magazines, websites and blogs designated especially for men; do some research to see which might offer content that appeals to you.