Cheating boyfriend claims he was hacked

DearAmy: I caught my boyfriend cheating on me.

I got into his iPad, because I had a suspicious feeling because one of his ex-girlfriends had called him the night before. He shook it off..

I found an entire text conversation, where he was cheating on me. When I confronted him, he acted like he had never seen it before.

I broke up with him, but he still refuses to admit he did anything wrong, even after I messaged a different ex-girlfriend as well as his mistress. They sent me proof.

I don’t want to believe it’s real because he always talked about marriage and wanting kids, and he never showed any signs of not loving me.

I still love him and want to trust him.

I’d like to hear your perspective. — Painful

Dear Painful: Someone can tell you he loves you and still cheat.

Building back trust takes time and tremendous effort, but it can happen.

However, your guy sounds like a serial cheater.

You acted on your suspicions. Unfortunately, all of your fears seem to have been justified via your contact with other women.

The “my computer was hacked” excuse is just a modern version of “the dog ate my homework.” Yes, it is possible that a dog once ate a child’s homework, and that your boyfriend’s computer was in fact hacked, but it is unlikely.

My insight is that he has likely earned his reputation the old-fashioned way: by lying, cheating, and gaslighting

This is where you have to trust yourself. None of his behavior is your fault, but if you choose to override your judgment, then that’s on you.