Big favor leads to friendship fallout

Dear Amy: I had a falling out with my oldest friend.

She did me a large favor and eventually felt overextended.

I had done her many favors. I thanked her for her help, both in writing and through my actions, but I dropped the ball on returning her things.

She got upset and said some hurtful things. She repeated these things many times.

I thanked her again, apologized, and asked for space.

I was hurt by her comments, which attacked my character.

It has been a few months since we’ve communicated.

She sent out wedding invitations for next summer

I’m worried it’s rude to delay RSVP, but I’m afraid to reach out when she was angry.

If she never apologizes for her comments, I don’t think I’d want to attend her wedding, but I don’t want to throw away our friendship.

What’s the polite thing to do? — Wondering Friend

Dear Friend: You are probably still in the RSVP window.

But it seems that this invitation, and your concern about responding, is a red herring.

Yes, apologies are due all around. After your dust-up, you asked for space - and you have received it.

Have you reflected on your own behavior? Have your apologies been specific? Do you need to make amends?

You could contact your friend to say, “I’d like to start the new year out on a better footing with you and try to repair the damage to our friendship. I would like to attend your wedding, but I’ll leave it up to you to let me know if you’d still like for me to be there.”

If you don’t want to try to repair, send your RSVP along with a note saying, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to attend your celebration, but I hope you have a beautiful day.”