Family contacts with abusive ex continue to hurt

Dear Amy: I was married for 12 years and had three children with “Ed.”

Four years after the marriage ended, I married “Karl.” The kids and I are close to Karl’s family.

My ex-husband Ed was verbally, emotionally, and at times physically abusive.

I spent three years in therapy for an eating disorder and years in group therapy to try to recover.

My parents contact Ed to see how he is doing and to use his company,

Recently, my son was visiting my folks when my mother told him and his girlfriend that Ed is a really great guy and has been helping them out.

My son’s girlfriend was shocked that my family cares so much for the man that treated me so badly.

I’m so hurt I just want to move away and not look back. What should I do? — Hurt Dear Hurt: Letting go is something you should work on, because this will change the dynamic.

“Ed” is the father of your children. A cordial acknowledgment of that fact for your kids’ sake is all the contact that is required by your family. Their choice to hire someone who abused and hurt you, to maintain a friendship, and then to tell you about it is bullying behavior.

Every time they bait and dangle this particular hook, you bite. Stop biting.

Practice ways to react to this trigger with a completely neutral attitude: Sigh, breathe, release.

Ed is always going to be on the fringes of your life. But he can’t hurt you anymore

When you truly inhabit your own strength, you will simply stop caring, and then you will have let go.