Millennial wonders if ‘thank you’ is too old-fashioned

Dear Amy: My grandmother is a traditional Southern lady who drilled her grandchildren on the importance of a heartfelt thank you note after receiving a gift or kind gesture.

I’m recovering from surgery and people have been kind enough to bring me a meal.

I like letting people know how their kindness has blessed me, and I usually have a note in the mail within the week, but often the response I get is an uncomfortable, “You didn’t have to do that!”

I’m a millennial and many of my peers don’t send notes.

Have the rules changed? — Grateful Millennial

Dear Grateful: When you write to someone, a timeless experience unfolds.

There is the act of writing itself, but also the “float” of a couple of days when the stamped message is traveling, delivered and enjoyed.

The rules have not changed. The “rule” being that when people extend themselves through acts of kindness, they should be thanked.

Some people snap a photo or video and post their thank you on social media as a public gesture of thanks - and in this Instagrammy world, this also has the added social benefit of reminding their followers that the giver is generous, but also that the recipient is “so blessed!” Others will text or call. But the handwritten note remains the gold standard of gratitude-expressing.

Being told, “You didn’t have to do that!” is different from, “I wish you hadn’t done that!”

In a semi-clunky way, your friends are acknowledging your gratitude and the lovely old-school manners that your grandmother drilled into you.

You aren’t embarrassing them - you are inspiring them.