Near the end, a friend withdraws

Dear Readers: Every year I step away from my column to work on other projects. I hope you enjoy these “Best

Of ” Q&As from 10 years ago. Today’s topic is: surviving loss.

Dear Amy: Last year a good friend was diagnosed with cancer and embarked on chemotherapy treatment.

I let her know I would be there for whatever needed, and our friendship didn’t seem to change. She had always been active, and we continued to spend time together. I took my cue from her as to whether she wanted to talk.

She got the news that her chemo was failing and that her situation seems terminal. She suddenly ceased all communication with me.

I can’t help but feel she has abandoned me. Not knowing how she is, and not having contact for her family, I’m in the dark as to whether she’s home or in hospice, and it’s breaking my heart.

All I can do is continue to email, send cards and post messages. Any suggestions? — Brokenhearted Old Friend

Dear Brokenhearted: When facing the end of life, some people withdraw from all but a very small circle of people. You are right; this is heartbreaking, but this is what this individual wants to do. If you are in touch with your friend on Facebook, you also should be able to contact at least one of her family members through Facebook to see how she is.

Remember they are also in a crisis moment in their lives.

Hospice care is a great gift to the dying and those who love them. A hospice counselor could speak with you, so at the very least you would understand the process in order not to take this personally, and to ease your own pain.

Your local hospital should be able to connect you with a hospice volunteer.