Sexting inspires unkind comparisons

Dear Amy: My wife’s best friend recently was unhappy in her marriage.

She began sexting with male partners and sharing pictures she had received with my wife.

I know about this because my wife asked me to fix the Wi-Fi on her phone.

While I was working on her phone, her friend texted one of these photos.

Alarmed and a little shocked, I opened the text message string and found myself in a world of hurt.

My wife was not only tacitly giving her friend permission to send these pictures, but she was comparing my physique unfavorably to these men.

When I confronted my wife, her reaction was to change the passcode on her phone.

She has since apologized. I can’t seem to shake the feeling that she finds me unattractive when compared to other men, and whenever her friend is around, I feel embarrassed knowing my body was described unfavorably.

What should I do? — Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed: Your wife has embarrassed, disrespected, and disappointed you.

Your wife is the person who needs to behave differently.

When a partner gets caught behaving badly, their universal instinct is often to attempt to sweep the problem away. A typical reaction is to issue an apology, insist you “move on,” and refuse or avoid discussing the problem further.

Do not suffer silently. Describe how her behavior makes you feel, using “I” statements: “I’m embarrassed. I’m discouraged. I need to talk.”

You deserve an apology. One where your wife demonstrates she understands the impact.

You should make an appointment with a couples’ counselor. If she dismisses the need, go on your own.