Poorly placed tattoo causes grief

Dear Amy: I am a 47-yearold woman. My husband, “Bart,” (50) and I have been together for eight years. Bart is a firefighter in a large city.

Bart has several tattoos on his left arm (a “sleeve”).

Whenever he considers a new tattoo, he takes his ideas and rough sketch to his tattoo artists. He then carefully reconsiders the design and placement on this arm. He takes a lot of time before finally getting inked.

Bart told me that he was going to get some touch-ups done on his existing tattoos.

When he arrived back, he had a brand-new tattoo.

This new tattoo is approximately 8 inches long — starting at his neck and going right down the middle of his chest.

I cried for hours the first night he had his new one.

Bart asked if we could talk about it, but I knew I would react in a way that was not going to be positive for the relationship, so I just said, “I can’t talk about it yet.”

I don’t know how to explain my feelings to my husband.

I know that if he’d had this tattoo when I met him, I would have never gone on the first date.

I do not want him touching me and we are barely speaking. I have wounded his ego. What should I do? — Teary Dear Teary: Silence punctuated by crying will be worse for him, his ego, and your relationship, than the truth.

This is his body. He has the right to adorn it. The thing about a tattoo on the neck and breastbone is others will look at it more often than he does.

Tell him: “I’m not sure why this has upset me so much, but it is the placement of it that is triggering my emotions.”

I could guess that the ink’s presence so near to his jugular, heart and lungs might remind you this man is vulnerable.