Conference attendee has beef with colleague

Dear Amy: I attended a professional conference recently. The attendees from my company were the president, the executive director, a co-worker and myself.

The president and executive director invited my co-worker and myself out for dinner. During these large conventions, it is rare to be able to sit down for more than 20 minutes and have a balanced meal. This made the dinner event really nice, and I appreciated it.

Prior to ordering, the conversation turned to, “What will you have?” When I stated that I wanted the chicken soup, I was scolded by my co-worker, who gestured to the president and executive director, exclaiming: “These people are vegetarian!” This was not stated discreetly.

Was it wrong of me to order the meal I wanted and that would sustain me for the five hours of events taking place after dinner?

Do my dietary restrictions and concerns take a back seat when the boss is picking up the tab?

— Need Protein to Function

Dear Need Protein: Your co-worker took the opportunity to demonstrate an advanced level of personal knowledge of your bosses, in order to curry flavor (excuse the pun) with these superiors.

Flaunting this knowledge is professionally risky — and rude. In bringing you to this convention, the people who run your company have given you and your co-worker an opportunity to positively and responsibly represent the organization. Loudly scolding another person at lunch is antisocial.

Your co-worker’s rudeness made you uncomfortable. This behavior also highlighted a dietary choice that some people might consider personal, possibly also making them uncomfortable.

I hope your bosses responded to this by letting you know they have no beef with you regarding your own choices.

Dear Amy: My closest friend from college is getting married in the fall. He has asked me to be his best man.

The problem is that I don’t want to. This wedding is already shaping up to be time-consuming and expensive. I am graduating from law school, working and studying for the bar exam, and I cannot imagine being able to commit fully to this.

He also wants me to organize a three-day “stag” party, either in Las Vegas or Wyoming. The wedding itself will be a three-day event involving travel, the rehearsal dinner, the wedding and a brunch afterward. Just thinking about it exhausts me.

Is there a good way to say “no” to this without insulting my friend or harming the friendship?

— Not the Best Best Man

Dear Not the Best Man:

Bridezillas and Frankengrooms, take note!

This issue used to be mainly confined to the bride and her attendants (or maybe they just talked about it more). I have noticed an increase in concerns like yours expressed by men who are feeling the social, personal and economic squeeze of being an attendant.

Tell your best friend right away that you can’t do this. Preface this tough conversation by telling him how honored you are, but, quite honestly, you do not have the bandwidth to take on any organizing duties.

Are you available and interested in being a groomsman? If so, let him know, but emphasize that you realize the decision is his to make, and that you will feel honored to attend the wedding as a guest. You might offer to include his grandmother as your “plus-one” and to deliver a toast, if he would like.

Dear Amy: “Engaged and Worried” didn’t ask his much younger brother to be in his wedding. Your response was spot on!

I, too, had a brother 12 years younger, and I headed off to college and the service when he was 6. Although he meant a lot to me, the vast difference in our ages and outlook was always too much to completely erase. It is still a major source of regret.

Nevertheless, he was an important part of my wedding, a decision which has grown in significance now that he is gone. He died of AIDS in his 30s, and left a hole in my life.

Jim, I still miss you and will love you always. — Loving Brother

Dear Loving Brother: Here’s to Jim. RIP, dear brother.