Who said it?

Comedian Argus Hamilton, on how Olympians’ lives are different from ours:

“Late last night, Michael Phelps found an Olympic gold medal in his couch cushion.”

NBC’s Jimmy Fallon, on Team USA amassing 121 Olympic medals in Rio:

“My condolences to everyone who is behind them at airport security.”

Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, on KFC coming up with a sunscreen that smells like fried chicken: “‘That is the greatest idea ever,’ said sharks.”

Jim Barach of WCHSTV in Charleston, W.Va., on astronaut Jeff Williams’ 521 days in space:

“Beating the previous record held by Dennis Rodman.”