How to deal with not-so-friendly neighbors

CHICAGO—Amanda Wendel realized she had bad neighbors as soon as her son started walking.

When her little boy took his first steps and toppled over, her downstairs neighbors turned on their music. Loudly.

“They said that they’re turning on the music because he’s falling,” said Wendel, a stay-at-home mother who lives in the Chicago suburbs.

The neighbors, who rarely leave their home, now blast their music daily, from 8 a.m. until 9 p.m.

Wendel isn’t the only one dealing with neighbor issues. A 2015 Pew Research Center study found that 48 percent of people trust none or some of their neighbors.

If you’re at odds with neighbors, you’re going to have to face the problem, said Bob Borzotta, author of “Neighbors From Hell.”

The first step is to approach the neighbor carefully, directly and in person. “When I say carefully, I mean without seeming angry or demeaning, because this makes people defensive, and it makes you look unreasonable,” Borzotta said. “I say directly, though, because it’s important to address the concern unapologetically; you’ll otherwise seem like a pushover whose desires are not important.”

Borzotta advises against written communications because notes can be misconstrued, shared and even used against you in a harassment case.If speaking with the neighbors doesn’t help and you live in a condo or a co-op, consider contacting the homeowners association, Borzotta said.

If it’s a noise problem, you could call the police. If it’s an eyesore issue—for example, the neighbor’s yard is littered with junk—call municipal ordinance officials to report possible code violations.

Alternatively, you could take legal action, said Michelle Freudenberger, a real estate attorney in New York, where the most common neighbor complaints are noise and offensive odors. However:

“Litigation is expensive and time-consuming,” she said.

Borzotta sometimes likes to take matters into his own hands by being a bad neighbor, himself. “I’m not one to get up at 8 on a Sunday and start using the lawn mower and leaf blower, even though I’m allowed to by code,” he said. “But if I have a neighbor who is keeping me up until 2, and I’ve tried everything, then I’m going to do that.” But, he said, be mindful of the other neighbors— the ones who didn’t disturb you.

As a last resort, you can simply move.

That’s what writer Phillip Mlynar did after he realized he was living above an illegal gambling den in Brooklyn, N.Y.

Every day, cigarette smoke floated throughout the building, and his landlord refused to deal with the multiple problems in the building.

“After the landlady insisted that it was nothing more than an after-church club taking place in the basement, I just told her to keep the deposit as last month’s rent, and left,” Mlynar said.

Now, Mlynar always takes the time to find buildings where neighbors get along.

“I always advocate taking the time to find a smaller building where being on good terms and being respectful to your neighbors is vital,” he said.