Late laughs
The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
Last week, Trump’s son Don Jr. tweeted screenshots of emails from the Russian lawyer who offered sensitive info to his dad’s campaign. When he heard that his son tweeted about an ongoing investigation, Trump was like, “The student has become the master!” Last night was the season premiere of “Game of Thrones!” But I saw that HBO’s streaming site crashed during the episode. That’s how crazy this show has gotten: They’re killing off websites now. On Friday, a group of 40 turtles caused delays on the runway at JFK airport. On the bright side, the turtles were moving so slow, they got hired to work at LaGuardia. Millions of Sabrett’s hotdogs that are sold here on the street in New York are being recalled because they contain small pieces of bone. While the foreman at the factory was like, “Hey, has anyone seen Jeff? Well, when you see him, tell him he’s fired!”
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
Folks, things are not looking good for the president’s son, Donald Trump Jr., because of a meeting he took last year with Russian lawyer Natalia Veselnitskaya. And now we’ve learned that there was another Russian at that meeting, Russian lobbyist Rinat Akhmetshin. Funny detail: he’s reportedly a former Soviet counterintelligence officer. Of course, when it comes to Don Jr., there’s not much intelligence to counter. I have some sad news tonight. As of 10:48 p.m. eastern last night, the GOP health-care bill was pronounced dead of terminal sucking. It was always a longshot because the Republicans control only all three branches of government and can’t be expected to do everything.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Did you watch the season premiere [of “Game of Thrones”] last night? More than 16 million people did. I was one of them. I never thought I’d be excited to see someone empty a bedpan. But I loved it, even though I was confused and had to have my son, Kevin, explain a lot of it to me after the show. It’s like an adult version of summer school: “Who was the guy who sailed in on the black ship and proposed to Cersei?” That was Euron Greyjoy — Theon’s Uncle. “Who was the prince that met with the enemy to try to bring down the Queen who was threatening his father?”
That was Donald Trump Jr. Donald Trump wants Obamacare out. In a last-ditch effort to kill it today, the president invited all the Republican senators to lunch at the White House. He tweeted: “The Republicans never discuss how good their healthcare bill is, and it will get even better at lunchtime. The Dems scream death as OCare dies!” OCare. He wants to replace OCare with NoCare
Late Night With Seth Meyers
China reportedly scrubbed images of Winnie the Pooh from social media over the weekend after users compared the character to their president. Though it seems like it would be easier to just get their president to put some pants on. President Trump attended the U.S. Women’s Open golf tournament this weekend. So, just to be safe, the golfers got changed in their cars. President Trump recently had his first official meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin at the G20 Summit in Germany that lasted over two hours. Which makes sense, because everything had to be translated from Russian to English, and then from English to Trump.