Sideline Chatter
At least decent fundamentals were shown on the play
What, you think it was easy pitching to free-swinging Vladimir Guerrero? Former mound great Roy Halladay, killed in a plane crash Tuesday, once said there were only two ways to go about it—neither of them good. “The first was throw four balls, and then try and pick him off,” Halladay said in June when the two were inducted into the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame. “The only problem is you couldn’t throw him four balls. So the next philosophy, which worked a little better for me, was throw anything up there. “And back up third.”
Headlines
At TheOnion.com: “Doctors warn Marshawn Lynch that next time he goes into Beast Mode could kill him.”
At TheKicker.com: “Study: In-game fist fights safer than actual football.”
Infantry overload
Talk about not beating a team at its own game: Army handed Air Force its first football shutout in 306 games without going to the air even once.
Numb and number
Match the number with its corresponding description: 1) .037 2) .020 3) .0004 a) Pirates pitcher Ivan Nova’s batting average in 2017 b) Washington Generals’ win percentage against the Harlem Globetrotters c) Browns’ winning percentage over their past 27 games (Answers: 1-c, 2-a, 3-b)
Not-so-current events
Former Indiana basketball coach Bob Knight ripped UCLA’s late John Wooden— who last coached 42 years ago—for allowing Bruins booster Sam Gilbert free rein in recruiting. So what’s next—George Gipp got unlimited use of Knute Rockne’s Model T?
Sports quiz
Lakers rookie Lonzo Ball’s shooting woes are in his head, according to: a) Lonzo Ball himself b) Colts owner Jim Irsay
Name game
Think this guy just might have an ink-cartridge endorsement in his future? Introducing Stanford placekicker Jet Toner.
Not a good look
Archaeologists in Egypt have discovered a 2,300-year-old gym. To no one’s surprise, virtually all of the skeletons were found in front of the mirror.
Talking the talk
Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald, to The Arizona Republic, on Seahawks safety Kam Chancellor: “It’s like blocking a refrigerator. Need Toradol shots, smelling salts, everything else I can muster.”
Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on Aston Martin selling a $360,000 Tom Brady-edition car: “It is preprogrammed to drive straight to the Super Bowl.”
RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, on NASCAR driver Danica Patrick among the first to ride in a driverless bus in Las Vegas: “To make her comfortable, they had it follow 33 cars.”
Metaphor of the Week
Panthers QB Cam Newton, after No. 1 wideout Kelvin Benjamin got dealt to the Bills, told reporters that “Yeah, we just lost a great player, but the Titanic still has to go.” Considering it’s Carolina’s less-thanstellar aerial game, shouldn’t it be the Hindenburg?