Late laughs
Conan
The average ticket for tonight’s Dodgers-Astros World Series game is about $3,000. Isn’t that crazy? For that kind of money, you could see half of “Hamilton.”
A fast-food restaurant in Australia is celebrating Halloween by offering a hamburger in a blue bun, sprinkled with real ants and worms. Or, as Arby’s calls that, “The No. 6.”
Last night’s game was the fastest World Series game in decades. Fans in L.A. were at the game for two and a half hours, and in traffic for five and a half.
Harvey Weinstein just finished a weeklong stay at a rehab clinic for sex addiction. Apparently, he would have stayed longer, but all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy.
President Trump is going to Japan to meet with the prime minister, and may play a round of golf. Or as Trump put it, he’s going to Japan to play a round of golf, and he may meet with the prime minister.
The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon
I want to say congratulations to John Stamos, who just got engaged to his girlfriend. That’s right — she’s just 31, and he’s … somehow still 31.
That’s right, John Stamos is getting married. I heard he’s got a pretty good wedding D.J.: D.J. Tanner.
Delta is hiring 1,000 new flight attendants, and it’s a very tough tryout. When pushing the beverage cart, you have to slam into at least 12 passengers’ knees.
Halloween’s just a few days away. Of course, kids everywhere will be trick-or-treating. But several states are warning that candy could contain marijuana. While officials in Colorado are warning that some candy may NOT contain marijuana.
President Trump announced that he’s releasing thousands of files on JFK, even though they were already set to be released. Then he said: “Not only that, I’m declaring Oct. 31 Halloween!”
Halloween at the White House is going to be really fun. They’re even bringing out the Ouija Board Trump uses to make all his decisions.
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
This weekend, five former [presidents] teamed up at a benefit to raise money for hurricane relief. President Trump couldn’t be there to help the victims of flooding because — and this is true — he was working on his own water hazards.
The Late Show With James Corden
Today was the opening game of the World Series at Dodger Stadium, and it was one of the hottest on record, with temperatures around 97 degrees. That’s so hot. If it were one degree higher, it would be a boy band.
It was revealed this week that Justin Bieber has covered his entire torso with an elaborate tattoo. We have a picture of it here. I mean, come on. Like I needed another good reason to stare deeply into Bieber’s abs.
Amazon is introducing a new service called Amazon Key, which will allow delivery men to open your front door and put packages directly inside your house. I don’t have a joke here. I just wanted to tell you how you’re going to be murdered. Sleep tight, folks.