Why emotional maturity helps relationships
Is there a lot of tension in your relationships? It’s a fact that other people can drive us a little crazy; however, the only control we have is to take control of ourselves.
We all need to become more emotionally mature.
This means we will set boundaries with others, steer them to productive behaviors, and reach out for help if the going gets too rough for us.
How we manage ourselves in relation to other people is the key to sanity. Otherwise, we will have a rocky experience every step of the way in life.
How do we do this? We practice “emotional maturity” until it becomes second nature to us.
Evolving upward to a higher level of emotional well-being requires these kinds of changes:
1. You have to respect everyone— even your worst enemies. Why? You can only conquer problems with people if you know how their minds work. You have to study them and become the voice of reason.
2. You have to learn to push the pause button. All of us have come close to shouting profanities or making fun of someone. To be mature, though, you have to put yourself in slow motion. You can always act ugly later. Pausing means you take time to think things through.
3. You have to invent new solutions no one has thought of. You help the tension and chaos by making up your mind to plan productive outcomes.
“My husband is a veteran with posttraumatic stress syndrome,” says an acquaintance of ours we’ll call Patty. “When he loses his cool, it sets my brain on fire. So, about a year ago, I invented an option for him to blow off steam.”
Patty explained to us that she sits down with her husband every night for about 20 minutes. She helps him verbalize his concerns.
“When he knows I fully realize his back pain is getting to him, and other issues as well,” says Patty, “my listening and understanding seem to take some pressure off him. He doesn’t blow his top nearly as often as he once did.”
Having emotional maturity requires each of us to carefully work through a process to fix things. Onestep quantum leaps seldom work, if things are really bad in a given situation
For example, if your son is abusing alcohol or your friend is having terrible financial problems, don’t offer simple fixes.
Never insult other people with comments such as: “You need to get some help.” Instead, maturely offer your help.
Ask, “Would you like me to help you work through this problem?” Encourage the other person and never run ahead of him or her. Be mature enough to see problem-solving as a slow, deliberate process.
When we advise readers to “respect even your worst enemies,” we are stating the importance of figuring out a process to deal with them. But, even for a second, do not confuse yourself with the police, drug task force, or the judge in your local courtroom.
Make sure you call for the right help.
A man we’ll call Thomas once had some dangerous criminals living in one of his rental properties.
“I wanted to put him out myself,” says Thomas. “But, I found a local constable who steered me on what actions to take. The only reason I got the bad guys out was that I kept my cool. When you stay calm, people take you more seriously.”