Past abuse undermines wife’s focus on happy new marriage
Dear Abby: I’m 42 years old and in my second marriage. My first husband was very abusive. My second loves me, respects me, defends me and has brought out the best in me. But I don’t feel like I do the same for him.
Things will get good in our relationship, and then I will lose perspective again, which causes conflict. How do I fix that? How do I find it again, and the sex drive I have lost? I’m so happy. He makes me just glow at times.—Trying to Find Myself
Dear Trying: The best place to find your perspective would be on the couch of a licensed mental health therapist. It appears you may have brought the baggage from your first marriage into this one. It’s not unusual for people who
have been in abusive relationships to have emotional scars. Start interviewing now, and don’t stop until you find someone you are comfortable confiding in.
Dear Abby: I am a funeral director by trade, but a couple of years ago one of my good friends asked me to officiate at his wedding. I was happy to do it, and I have since been asked by several other friends to perform their wedding ceremonies, too. I did three last year and have two scheduled for this year.
I am always happy to help, and I don’t charge an honorarium. My question is: Am I required to give the couple a gift? I’d like to do what is appropriate.—Marrying & Burying in California
Dear M&B: No rule of etiquette requires you to give the couple a gift in addition to the services
you are performing for free. If you would LIKE to give them something in addition, by all means do, but it shouldn’t be expected.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 610540447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)