‘Bare knuckles and turnbuckles’
So what’ll they sell at the concessions stands, knuckle sandwiches and cauliflower ears?
Cheyenne, Wyo., is set to host the country’s first bare-knuckle boxing card since 1889 on June 2, using current professional boxers and former UFC and Bellator fighters.
Which certainly doesn’t give any John L. Sullivan wannabes much time to grow their handlebar mustaches.
HEADLINES
At SportsPickle.com: “Report: Patriots stockpiling draft picks in hopes of taking a quarterback who can catch.”
At TheOnion.com: “Report: Pyeongchang Olympic athletes already falling into state of disrepair.”
PAGING ERNIE BANKS
Wisconsin canceled its spring football game after weather forecasts called for heavy rain and thunderstorms.
Rumor has it the Badgers plan to make it up next year with a day-night doubleheader.
SOCCER TO ME
The Giants scored 1 or 0 runs in six of their first nine
runs in six of their first nine games this season.
On the bright side, though, they’re already up to third in our latest MLS power rankings.
GET ME MARKETING
Hear about the next MLB brainstorm aimed at hippies and stat nerds?
They plan to call it Make Love, Not WAR Night.
GREEN AND BEAR IT
Patrick Reed has been spotted seemingly everywhere since winning the Masters, still wearing his green jacket.
The movie-theater stop proved a bit awkward, however, when patrons wouldn’t stop handing him their tickets.
CATCH & RELEASE
Does anyone else find it bizarre that, right after the NFL finally clarified its definition of what constitutes a catch, the Cowboys drop Dez Bryant?
THE NATURAL
If 51/2-foot Astros star Jose Altuve ever needs to do some injury rehab in the minors, we’ve found the perfect team to do it with: the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp.
GONE FISHING DEPT.
The laughingstock Miami Marlins are trying to get out of a local lawsuit by claiming the franchise is actually headquartered in the British Virgin Islands.
What, the Bermuda Triangle wasn’t
METAPHOR CENTRAL
Reports of a tiger walking around New York City turned out to be merely a large raccoon.
In other words, the animal-kingdom equivalent of preseason Yankee hype.
BRUISE PROBLEM
The rate of MLB batters getting hit by pitches is up 17 percent over 2017.
In a related story, the AL East has just been renamed the Black and Blue Division.
JUST WONDERING
Why don’t tennis players celebrate a big championship by cutting down the net?
TALKING THE TALK
Golfer Dustin Johnson, to the New York Post, on why the specter of a huge wedding with longtime partner Paulina Gretzky doesn’t faze him: “That bill is going to Wayne.”
Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the Phillies beat the Marlins 20-1: “MLB doesn’t need a pitch clock, it needs a mercy rule.”
Ex-Florida State football coach Bobby Bowden, 88, on getting old: “(Wife) Ann was going to let me hide my own Easter eggs this year.”
THEM’S THE RULES
Reporter A.J. Bayatpour of Milwaukee’s WITI-TV is off the air—at least temporarily—following his arrest for allegedly punching reporter Ben Jordan of rival station WTMJ three times at a Brewers-Cubs game.
Well, duh—three strikes and you’re out.
CRYING IN THEIR BEER
A truck carrying beer kegs fell off an overpass in Pennsylvania.
Frat boys coast to coast immediately took three days of bereavement leave.
WRONG FIGHTING SPIRIT
Hapoel Holon, Israel’s top basketball team, released league scoring leader Glen Rice Jr. for punching a teammate in the face in the locker room.
Or, as Rice apologists tried to spin it, he was merely boxing out.
PAGING SEAN SPICER
Ronda Rousey teamed up with Kurt Angle and won in her WrestleMania debut.
Now that right there is some real fake news!
APRIL-JUNE MADNESS
The NBA playoff field is set, although the first four out—the Nuggets, Clippers, Pistons and Hornets—were wondering why they didn’t get a playin game.
SOLID DEFENSE
Packers receiver Trevor Davis was charged with making “criminal threats” at LAX after allegedly asking his female companion if she “remembered to pack the explosives.”
Defense lawyers are expected to argue that Davis can’t be a bomb threat: His longest NFL catch covered just 29 yards.
ZIGGING AND ZAGGING
Florida State quarterback Deondre Francois has been cited for misdemeanor possession of marijuana.
Well, the scouting reports do say that say he’s pretty good on rollouts.