Learning to listen well can empower your relationships

Do you realize the importance of developing good listening skills?

Tuning into other people doesn’t just give you the knowledge you need, it also gives you deeper insight. You can make better decisions.

People who listen well often become the smartest person in the room. They pick up oodles of details other people miss.

When it comes to relationships, good listeners can say and do things that steer relationships more productively.

For example, others will trust you a lot more if you listen well. Others will cooperate with you if they believe you know important details of their lives and what’s important to them.

By paying attention, you can also find supportive people quicker. For instance, if you want to enlist help for your business, it pays to know that someone is a business writer for the local newspaper.

Or, if you need a good mentor for your child who is failing math, it pays to know that someone in your circle of life is a math tutor. Listening well helps you remember that tutor.

“When I was a teenager, an executive who worked at a large corporation spoke at our high school,” a friend of ours explained to us recently. We’ll call her Jenny. She told us the executive offered insight into why some people succeed and others don’t.

“He told us that people in top positions have one unique quality,” Jenny pointed out. “He said they can have a conversation with you, and a week later, they can remember much of the information you gave them in that conversation. They listen well.”

People who listen well can memorize a lot of facts and personal information. But also, they are showing they care enough to make mental notes about what concerns you.

Have you ever noticed that selfish people usually have something in common? They block out much of what you say. They refuse to discuss much of anything and don’t care what’s on your mind.

When you speak, they instantly steer the conversation back to themselves.

Here are some strategies for learning to listen well and why it helps:

Focus on the other person’s emotional state. Do pay attention if someone is sad, upbeat, or confused. Listening means tuning into body language. Learning to read body language gives you clues about questions you might ask, or what you shouldn’t say to someone.

Make good eye contact and don’t get distracted. There is nothing ruder than not listening well to another person. If you meet someone’s gaze, they know you’re taking them seriously. It’s hard to trust a poor listener.

Show concern without being too nosey. For example, if your friend is worried he might be getting a divorce, don’t treat this as gossip. Instead, offer to be there for this person. Say, “Call me if you want to meet for coffee and talk.”

Always offer encouragement. Regardless of the tone of the conversation, don’t do or say anything negative. People will judge you according to how you make them feel. Little else matters.

Listening intently gives you insight into what will work and what won’t for another person. It will empower you to come across as intelligent, thoughtful and sensitive.

There really is no substitute for being a good listener. There’s no way to fake it. If you want others to believe you genuinely care, absorb what they say and file it away for future reference.