Through good times and bad, I’m glad I had my dad

My father was a good man. He never lied or cheated, he loved me and my siblings, he worked until he could work no longer, and when he died, it was with a smile on his face. I feel lucky to be able to say that I went into the family business , because he was a journalist for the Chicago Tribune and my inspiration.

Later in life, he went into business for himself and did well, until a dishonest partner stole what he had built. It put our family back on its heels, but he kept trudging onward, picking up the broken pieces. He never let us know how desperately hard he had to work in his retirement years to keep a roof over my mother’s and his heads. Once I became aware of it, I was fortunate enough to be able to step in and help out, so they could have a few years of peace. But he did hide it for quite a while.

It has long been thought that men are stoics—not showing their emotions— either because they don’t want to look weak or because the male psyche just can’t emotionally release. But my father (and many other men) made the choice to keep his financial fears and struggle to himself because he didn’t want my mother or us to worry.

I also know he didn’t have a therapist to talk to—just golf. He protected his family from his emotional pain and did what he believed was his most important job: taking care of his family financially and emotionally. Lots of other men do the same.

When I think about the pain and fear he lived with, I feel guilty. But I was a kid and couldn’t see it or even understand it, and father knew best. In my world, the first thought would be to seek emotional support. In his world, the first thought was to support his family. I respect this ability, and I admire him for it. I just wish he didn’t have to go through it all by himself.

Once we kids were on our own, my parents moved to another city where they thought it would be fun. And other than downsizing, things didn’t change much for them. They played cards, my dad had his Social Security, and he never let the family down. Yes, things were lower key, but doesn’t that happen with the passing of time anyway?

For the dads out there who are struggling financially or emotionally yet still putting themselves out there every day to make a better life for their loved ones, my hat is off to you. I truly hope that your family loves and respects the effort you have put into it.

I was once told that any male could become a father but it takes a real man to be a Dad. My dad is still my hero, and I am proud that. In some small way, I get to follow in his footsteps.