Ask a question to stir up more interest in your dating profile

Have you ever seen one of those online dating profiles that just goes on and on and on? After a long day of work, the last thing you want to do is to read someone’s manuscript. I just want to tell these long- winded people to save it for the oneman show! And, it’s not like this person is trying to engage the reader at all. #ProfileFail

Let’s say you’re in business school, and you’re listening to an accounting presentation on the merits of using LIFO (last in, first out) versus FIFO (first in, first out) when preparing your financial statements. To me, this topic makes my mind wander anywhere else (though I do remember those terms from school, so I guess I didn’t find it that boring). To make me perk up a bit, it would be nice if the professor instead engaged me with something applicable to my life during the presentation. What if, rather than simply defining LIFO and FIFO (wake me up at the end of the lecture), she started with, “Which carton of milk would you rather buy at the supermarket—the first one that was put on the shelf or the last?” That’s something I might listen to. (Though, since supermarkets know this, they usually put the newer milk behind the older milk so that the older stuff, with the closer expiration date, sells first. If you can fit your arm back into that milk fridge at the store, which I’m usually too short to do, you might be rewarded with a few extra days of use.

The same concept applies to online dating profiles. Add a question to your profile to engage with the potential readers rather than boring them with your life story. This is true for both the “traditional” online dating sites, like Match.com and eHarmony, and the apps, like Tinder and Bumble.

It’s safe to assume that, in general, very few people actually know what to say in that first online dating message. For that reason, you want to make it as easy as possible for someone to write to you, planting what I call “message bait.” Asking questions in your profile gives them a reason to write, even if that reason is to simply answer your question. Even rhetorical questions work. Just as long as there’s a wellplaced question mark, you’re well on your way.

Let’s look a few examples: When I’m not out training for a race, you can find me trying a new restaurant. Any recommendations?

What should I binge-watch next?

A client of mine actually used a similar line to this and received so many recommendations (and dates) that she didn’t know what to do with all of them! Good problems, my friends, good problems.

Do people still eat Rice Krispies? This is something I’ve wondered, actually, and it turns out that people love to engage with this question! (And, yes, it turns out that plenty of people still eat Rice Krispies, even if only coated in butter and marshmallows and cut into squares.)

Isn’t brunch the best? Sticking with the food theme (perhaps I’m hungry?), this question, while seemingly rhetorical, could actually yield some pretty funny responses, such as, “I actually think brunch is kind of odd, or maybe I just don’t like the thought of having a burger and oatmeal on the same side of the menu,” or “My favorite day of the week is Sunday since it’s perfectly acceptable to sit at brunch for three hours over a coffee and a bloody Mary. Do you have a favorite brunch place in town?”

Remember what the point of the online dating profile is—merely to catch someone’s attention and ultimately meet in person. What better way is there to do that than to ask a question? (See what I did there?) Happy asking, and happy dating!

(Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter, eepurl.com/dpHcH for updates and tips.)