Teaching children how to confront prejudice and embrace diversity
Dear Mr. Dad: My daughter is in 7th grade and has been coming home with stories about her classmates using the most bigoted and hateful language about other students and other people in general. Peer pressure is a big thing in middle school and we’re afraid that she’s going to pick up some of these attitudes. What can we do?
A: Having already elected a mixed-race president, it’s tempting to think that we’re in a “post-racial” society. Sadly, that’s anything but true. Prejudice— in all sorts of forms—is still all around us.
And, as you’ve noticed, it starts young. Before they’re three, children are already aware of gender, names, and a few other differences, and they start absorbing their parents’ attitudes even earlier. By six they’re very conscious of weight, skin color, athletic and academic abilities, glasses, wardrobe, religion, culture and just about anything else that makes people different. Of course, being aware of differences isn’t a bad thing—in fact, it’s perfectly normal. That awareness becomes a problem only when people use those differences as weapons, to divide others into “us” and “them,” “good” and “bad.”
Fortunately, there’s still plenty to do to keep your daughter headed in the right direction.
Talk about what diversity is. It goes well beyond race and gender, and includes things like political views, education level, socio-economic background, and more.
Emphasize the value of diversity. Yeah, that sounds painfully politically correct, but social science research has repeatedly shown that diversity strengthens organizations and societies. Too much sameness leads to stagnating ideas, diminished creativity, and weakens society overall. Ask your kids (or yourself, for that matter), how they’d like it if everybody looked the same, all music sounded the same, all food tasted the same. It shouldn’t take long for them to agree that diversity really is the spice of life and ought to be encouraged.
Experience diversity. This is especially important if they spend most of their time around people who look, talk, and act like them. Visit a cultural festival, an ethnic neighborhood, or another religion’s worship services. Most importantly, afterward, talk about the differences.
Talk about how to respond. The upside (if you want to call it that) of experiencing or witnessing discrimination is that it gives us a little insight that we can make use of later. Without forcing any conclusions, ask your child what she might do when she hears a prejudicial remark directed at someone. What might she say to the person who made the remark—or to the person it was directed at? How might she feel if she said nothing? How she would feel if she were on the receiving end and no one said or did anything to help her? And of course, when should she report the incident to an adult?
What is the school doing to recognize diversity, challenge bigotry, and emphasize cooperation? Do learning and problem-solving tasks emphasize cooperation and team play or focus exclusively on competition? Does the school have a curriculum that covers— in an unbiased way—different races, religions, and cultures? Does the school take advantage of ethnic and/or religious holidays (like Chinese New Year, Cinco de Mayo and Rosh Hashana) so children can explore unfamiliar customs and traditions? Do teachers have open discussions in class about discrimination and negative feelings toward others? If an incident involving prejudice has occurred at school, is it used as an opportunity to discuss these issues in a way that emphasizes what we all have in common?
Unfortunately, it’s simply not possible to completely eradicate prejudice. However, it’s 100 percent possible to teach our kids to respond positively and effectively when they encounter it.