Late laughs

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

I heard there’s a new documentary about dating apps called “Swiped.” People thought the preview looked good, but when they showed up, it looked like a completely different movie. I saw that Jeopardy host Alex Trebek grew a beard. When his wife saw it, she said, “What is … that on your face?” After losing all 16 of their games last season, the Cleveland Browns’ first game of the year ended in a tie. Yep, the Cleveland Browns: even when they don’t lose, they don’t win. I heard about a college student in Canada who emailed everyone at his school named Nicole, Nicky, Nicolette and Nik trying to find the woman he met at a bar. Meanwhile, the actual woman was like, “Phew! Thank God I gave him a fake name!”

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

Playboy just announced that, starting in 2019, they’ll publish only four issues a year. By 2020, they’re just going to send you a shovel and say, “Go dig up the issues your uncle buried in the woods.” The Russia investigation is still marching on, and today there’s big news about Trump’s former campaign manager, Paul Manafort. Rumors are Manafort is in talks with the special counsel’s office about a possible plea deal. Yes, the man Trump called brave for not turning state’s evidence is now flipping like a gymnast making pancakes on a trampoline.

The Late Late Show With James Corden

Recently, passengers on a United Airlines flight from Scotland to New Jersey got a bit of a shock when the pilot came out of the cockpit, changed out of his uniform, and fell asleep in a first-class seat. The only way this could have been more concerning for the passengers is if the pilot also had an emotional support dog. A couple in Florida was just arrested for selling drugs out of their mobile home after police noticed that they had constructed — and we’re not making this up — a drive-thru window. The only way this story could be more Florida is if the drive-thru were run by an alligator and his stripper girlfriend.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

This has been a rough week for John Kelly. At this point, R Kelly has a better chance of being White House chief of staff by the end of the year.

Late Night With Seth Meyers

A man in New York yesterday bought a $10 million winning lottery ticket while at a convenience store to buy treats for his dog. Which came as a major disappointment to his dog. “You didn’t get the treats?” A man in Florida has been arrested for stealing over $5 million from his job at a local credit union to produce movies. He apparently got caught after the release of his new documentary, “How I Stole $5 Million From My Local Credit Union.”