How to help teens cultivate healthier habits
When Nirvana recorded “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” they were on right on target with their description of how adolescents are so often defiant and defeated simultaneously: “With the lights out, it’s less dangerous/Here we are now, entertain us/I feel stupid and contagious.” No wonder 33% of parents report being frustrated, angry, bewildered or confused about their dealings with their growing children.
Well, Mom and Dad, chances are that many of your frustrations center around how your teen takes care of his or her own well-being (beyond, but not excluding, cleaning up the bedroom). The good news is that research shows you can find ways to guide and improve your teen’s health and well-being in critical areas without having them hate you. So let’s look at sleep, alcohol use and sexual activity.
Sleep is a biggie: Chronic lack of quality shut-eye is associated with other health problems, such as obesity, anxiety and depression, and poorer school performance, not to mention a 20% increased risk of car crashes and a significant bump in sports-related injuries.
Unfortunately, only 35% of ninth-graders and 18% of 12th-graders get eight or more hours of sleep on an average school night (they need nine to nine and a half hours nightly).
But a new study published in Sleep suggests a simple way you can help your teen avoid the health risks associated with chronic sleep deprivation: Set a bedtime and enforce it — something more than half of parents never do. The researchers found that even if this causes a pre-bedtime conflict, it produces better mental health outcomes for the kids. So, make a rule; enforce it kindly; explain your reasons. Then do it all over again. Our suggestion: also make sure no digital devices are in the bedroom after lights out.
What are they drinking? In 2018, about 20% of eighth-, 10th-, and 12th-graders said they’d had alcohol in the past month. Particularly risky and common is teen binge drinking, which is associated with everything from violence and injury to risky sex. One scary stat:
Around 60% of high school students who drink say they binge and 40% of those kids report drinking eight or more drinks in a row!
So, Mom and Dad, what can you do? A lot! Research clearly shows that parents who are supportive and authoritative — but not authoritarian — are better able to protect their teens from drinking. That means you provide praise and support when deserved about all aspects of your teen’s life, articulate your alcohol-related rules clearly and consistently, and dole out even-handed and fair consequences when necessary. Other essential steps: Drink in moderation yourself; connect with other parents about sending out a clear message on alcohol’s dangers; and supervise all teen parties.
Jeez, what are they doing, you know, well … together? Here are the facts: In 2017, 40% of high school students acknowledged that they’d had sexual intercourse at least once (38% of girls and 41% of boys). Those teens face significant health issues (10 million new cases of sexually transmitted diseases affect kids 15 to 24 annually) and emotional issues. One study out of Southern California of 273 sexually active teens found that 62% who had had both oral and vaginal sex reported a negative consequence, such as feeling bad about themselves and feeling used.
The good news is that you have clout! In national surveys conducted by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, teens said their parents have more influence over their decisions about sex than friends, siblings or the media does. Furthermore, research reveals that teens who talk with their parents about sex are more likely to delay having sex and to use condoms when they do have sex. So suck it up, sit down and have a good ol’ heart to heart, but go slowly. You don’t have to talk about everything at once.