Late laughs

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert

If God submitted the year 2020 to “Black Mirror,” they would have rejected the script. Come on, a plague? Racial unrest? A racist demagogue with a base coat of global warming? Pick a lane!

In New York, roughly 600 plainclothes officers have been reassigned to new roles, effective immediately. The reassigned officers were part of a special unit in the NYPD known as the anticrime unit … aren’t all police officers the anti-crime unit? If there’s a pro-crime unit, they really ought to reassign those guys, too.

Telling people they can’t have something just makes them want it more! That’s why the Disney Vault exists! I don’t give a damn about it, but now I’m hell-bent on owning “The Aristocats” on Blu-ray!

Costco has announced their free samples will return this month. Finally it’s safe for shoppers to return to eating a tiny square of cheese off a big tray of tiny squares of cheese and roomtemperature turkey sausage that has been sitting out for hours.