Mom friends take different paths in providing for children

Dear Abby: I met my friend “Ashley” and her daughter three years ago. Our daughters are 9 years old. Ashley makes good money and is married. I’m a single mom. I do well as a registered nurse, but I’m not on her level when it comes to money. We all get along great and have a lot in common. However, Ashley buys her daughter, “Mimi,” a lot. Every time we go out, she buys Mimi something. If I buy a gift for my daughter for her birthday, Christmas, etc., Ashley buys the same thing for Mimi. I got my daughter into ice skating three years ago. Ashley then proceeded to buy her daughter professional ice skates, accessories, skating costumes, private lessons and entered her in skate club, shows and competitions.

Needless to say, my daughter is sometimes jealous of all the things Mimi gets. For me, it’s not about the money. It’s the principle that I’m not going to spoil my daughter like that. I remind my daughter she’s still more fortunate than a lot of other children and she should appreciate what she has.

Should I cut ties with Ashley? Should I mention my concerns to her? Or are my daughter and I overreacting? — Doing Well Enough

Dear Doing Well: I don’t think you or your daughter are overreacting. In life, you — and she — will always encounter people who have more material things than you. (The reverse may also be true.) Because this is happening regularly, I can see why your daughter feels as she does.

If it happened occasionally, I might respond differently, but you wrote that this is a frequent occurrence. A conversation with Ashley is in order. If your relationship survives the conversation, consider socializing with her but doing your gift-buying privately.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby. com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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