Late laughs
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
There’s actually good news from eastern Europe because over the weekend, Ukraine won the Eurovision Song Contest ... that is my favorite kind of, I want to say, folk-rap, EDM, flute-based Hobbit rock.
It’s a tough time for new parents right now because, nationwide, 40% of baby formula is out of stock. Luckily for parents, liquor stores: still fully stocked.
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Today [May 19] at the White House, President Biden hosted the leaders of Sweden and Finland to discuss their applications to join NATO . ... During the meeting, Biden told them that joining NATO was a complex process that can get frustrating. Sweden was like, “Yeah, we invented IKEA, so we get it.”
A woman in Minnesota was arrested after she tried to flee from police and drove her car straight into wet concrete . ... She was cited for resisting arrest and going zero in a 60.
The FDA just authorized the first at-home COVID test that can also detect other viruses, like the flu. That’s amazing! Now you can be kind of unsure if you have everything.
The Late Late Show With James Corden
Idaho, Kentucky, North Carolina, Oregon and Pennsylvania all held primaries today [May 17], which, of course, is news to the vast majority of people in Idaho, Kentucky, North Carolina, Oregon and Pennsylvania.
A Rhode Island woman has been banned from Tinder for life after the company discovered she was using the app to recruit people for her kickball team. Tinder execs were like, “How dare you use our app to form meaningful social bonds with friends?!”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
President Biden ... predicts that if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade, the next target for Conservatives will be same-sex marriage. They’ll come for same-sex marriage. They’ll come for interracial marriage. They’ll outlaw that peanut butter that comes with the jelly in the same jar!
Late Night With Seth Meyers
Former president Trump recently announced he’s writing a book called “The Crime of the Century” about the alleged voter fraud in the 2020 presidential election. Look for it in your bookstore’s “Tantrum” section.
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson recently called for Britons to return to work in person, and said that his experience working from home included walking to the fridge and “hacking off a small piece of cheese,” then forgetting what he’s doing. Well, if it helps, you’re supposed to be serving as prime minister!
Archeologists in Laos recently discovered an ancient tooth, thought to have belonged to an extinct human species, that was lodged in a cave wall. Experts believe their last words were, “Not ... cake.”