Riddles, Net by byte of same Apple

Easy Does It

Beware any held-held device within reach. After more than a decade of coaxing to life every screen saver and sign-on riddOH, ,’P surH WKDW DOO Woo soon WKHy might take revenge and byte back.

,’YH EHHn WoOd WKDW sHndLng HPDLO jokes between two or more computer device geeks is risky, a kind of leisure-time therapy, an initiation or rite of passage into a slippery slope of cyberspace. Nobody sDLd , KDYH Wo suffHr DOonH, so ,’P wLOOLng Wo sKDrH Py FooNLH MDr of ,-Sod FooNies.

Please read at your own risk because the onOy wDrnLng ,’P goLng Wo gLYH Ls Woo PuFK thinking can be hazardous to your health and sanity.

So gDWKHr Dround, FOosHr SOHDsH, Ds , LnYLWH you to participate in the following test if only Wo frHH D fHw rLddOHs froP Py “sDYH” fiOH. MDssDgH your WySLng fingHr Dnd DW WKH FounW of WKrHH, FoPH ouW flHxLng DW soPH orLgLnDO concepts. From here on out, you’re on your own, strictly the honor system. No peeking or cheating as my second-grade teacher Miss Dragon used to warn.

Here goes: 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Correct answer: Open the refrigerator door, lead the giraffe inside, and close the door. Easy, so why does it make you so suspicious? Because it’s more fun that way.

2. How do you put an elephant LnWo D rHfrLgHrDWor? ,f you sWoOH WKH answer by peeking, you’d still be wrong. Do not just put the elephant into the refrigerator and then close the door. :Ky? ,W FDn’W EH donH. TKH ForrHFW DnswHr Ls oSHn WKH rHfrLgHrDWor door, firsW WDNH ouW the giraffe, and only then push the elephant in and close the door. This tests your ability to think things through and accept the consequences of your actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals are attending except one. Which animal doesn’t show up?

The correct answer, which you should already know, is the elephant. As anybody at genius level can deduce, the elephant can’t attend because he’s in the refrigerator. This one tests whether your memory skills are good enough to continue playing.

Are you ready for the advanced memory WHsW? TKHrH’s D rLYHr you PusW Fross. ,W’s noW as easy as it looks, because the river is inhabited by crocodiles, and all the crocodiles FDn’W fiW Ln WKDW FrowdHd rHfrLgHrDWor. And you don’t have a boat.

You swLP DFross. Go DKHDd, LW’s sDfH. ,f you were paying attention, you would know all the animals, including the crocodiles, are attending the animal convention. Except for the elephant, of course. But he’s not in the river because he’s in the refrigerator.

When you get to the other side of the river, study the terrain.

See those advertising signs? Look around. Maybe you’ve seen some in your travels. Somebody at a tire shop emailed me a picWurH of D sLgn SosWHd oYHr WKH door: “,nYLWH us to your next blow-out.”

TKHn , noWLFHd PorH WHOO-DOO sLgns: LLNH WKH one on an electrician’s car: “Let us remove your shorts.” And on a plumber’s back window: “:H rHSDLr wKDW your KusEDnd fixHd.” And that competitor across the street: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call this plumber.”

,’YH noWLFHd HPDLO MoNHs DrH usuDOOy SDrW of a theme. They get on one subject and stay there. And they always start someplace else, and where they wind up is usually in my inEox, Dnd froP WKHrH, WKHy flLW Wo yours.

The following category is an ad writer’s dream: Spotted on the door of a hospital’s maternity room -- “Push, push, push.” At an HnWrDnFH Wo Dn oSWoPHWrLsW’s offiFH: “,f you don’t see what you’re looking for, you came to the right place.”

SLgn ouWsLdH D PufflHr sKoS: “1o DSSoLnWment necessary. We heard you coming.” On a nearby kennel’s fence: “Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”

On a veterinarian’s door: “Be back soon. SLW, sWDy.” A KoWHO’s KHOS-wDnWHd sLgn: “,nnexperienced bellhops wanted.”

,n D FoPSuWHr sWorH’s wLndow: “2uW for a quick byte.” Over a competing computer store’s door: “Home is where you hang your @.”

Look closer and you’ll spot “Don’t byte off more than you can process.” And on the opposite wall: “You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks.” And: “What boots up must come down.” Behind the counter: “Too many clicks spoil the browse.” “AOO’s wHOO WKDW Hnds ,nWHO.” TKDW’s PLnH.

yrdezdoesit@comcast.net