Don’t get hooked on using your arm for bait

Go DKHDG DnG FUoVV “FDWfiVK noodling” off the list of activities I’d like to try some day, mostly beFDuVH LW LnYoOYHV fiVKLnJ IoU FDWfiVK WKH size of a Volvo using only one’s bare arm as bait.

Let me repeat that: “Noodling” is going fiVKLnJ EDUHKDnGHG DnG OHWWLnJ WKH FDWfiVK bite you on the arm. What happened to fiVKLnJ? :KHn GLG LW EHFoPH DFFHSWDEOH to engage in this leisure activity without a fiVKLnJ SoOH DnG woUPV?

SHH, ,’P noW PuFK oI D fiVKHUPDn. ,n fact, I haven’t tossed a line in the water in an attempt to hook something since I was a kid. It’s quite simple really: I don’t like touching the worm and I don’t like touching the fiVK. 7KDW SUHWWy PuFK HOLPLnDWHV PH IUoP WKH VSoUW. , EHOLHYH WKDW WKH OIfiFLDO 5uOHV oI FLVKLnJ Go DOlow beer to be consumed while participating, which would indeed qualify me if it weren’t for the worms. I really can’t get past the cooler holding the worms to get to the cooler holding the beer.

But there is this thing going on down in Oklahoma — and it would be here that you would insert your own joke about Oklahoma, although I would nHYHU Go VuFK D WKLnJ Wo WKH finH IoONV wKo OLYH WKHUH — FDOOHG “FDWfiVK nooGOLnJ.” 7KHy even have tournaments for this activity, pardner. There’s also a reality show DEouW LW (DnG ,’P noW VuUH wKy , Nnow WKDW) FDOOHG “HLOOELOOy HDnGfiVKLn’ — which I suppose is named appropriately enough.

According to a story in The Oklahoman, the largest daily newspaper in the state, noodling “entails wading through rivers and lakes and wrestling monVWUouV FDWfiVK IUoP WKHLU FDYHUnouV GHnV — barehanded.”

Sheesh. I like noodles. I thought this was going to be about noodles. Nope. Not even close. “Noodling is somewhat dangerous in that the noodlers often have to hold their breath while reachLnJ LnWo FDYHV, Ln WKH KoSH WKDW D PDVVLYH FDWfiVK wLOO chomp onto their arm. Noodlers then have to wrestle WKH VWUuJJOLnJ fiVK IUoP WKH FDYH Wo WKH VuUIDFH,” DFcording to the story.

Uh … wait just a cotton-pickin’ dadgummed minuWH (,’YH JoW D KLOOELOOy oU Wwo Ln WKH IDPLOy WUHH). So ONODKoPD fiVKHUPHn KoOG WKHLU EUHDWK DnG SOoS WKHLU KHDGV unGHUwDWHU, VWLFN WKHLU DUPV LnWo FDWfiVK FDYHV, wDLW IoU D ELJ FDWfiVK Wo FODPS Gown on WKHLU DUPV and then rassle the critter to the surface?

Honest to Pete, are there no worms living in Oklahoma? And how can Vince McMahon not be involved in something like this?

OK, for a moment, let’s forget about a couple of oWKHU WKLnJV , GLGn’W UHDOLzH DEouW fiVKLnJ: (1) CDWfiVK OLYH Ln FDYHV? (2) CDWfiVK Gon’W KDYH WHHWK? (3) Chomping is allowed and encouraged here? And try this on: Oklahoma’s neighbor — the great state of Texas — only recently legalized noodling, according to The Oklahoman story.

Wait, noodling used to be illegal in Texas? Why? 7KH CDWfiVK LLYLnJ Ln UnGHUwDWHU CDYHV UnLon oEjected?

Here’s another bit of information gleaned from The Oklahoman story: The winner of the recently concluded “prestigious” — that’s The Oklahoman’s woUG — ONLH NooGOLnJ 7ouUnDPHnW wDV D 19-yHDUold woman named Lucy Millsap. And she is a calendar girl for a group called “Bare Knuckle Babes.”

Ms. Millsap won the tournament by rassling a 72-SounG flDWKHDG FDWfiVK uS onWo WKH EDnNV oI LDNH 7HxoPD, WKH ODUJHVW-UDVVOHG FDWfiVK Ln WKH WouUnDPHnW’V 14-yHDU KLVWoUy.

That’s right, this noodling tournament has been JoLnJ on IoU 14 yHDUV. AnG LI WKDW’V noW DPDzLnJ enough news, the Bare Knuckle Babes have a cal- endar with pictures of them in their bikinis holding UHDOOy ELJ FDWfiVK WKDW WKHy VHOO Ln Dn DWWHPSW Wo, DFcording to the group’s Facebook page as reported in The Oklahoman, “bring worldwide notice to the VSoUW oI FDWfiVK nooGOLnJ DnG WKH woPHn EHKLnG WKH sport.”

,I you Euy WKLV FDOHnGDU DnG youU fiUVW UHDFWLon is, “Goll durn, would you look at the size of that FDWfiVK!” wLWKouW noWLFLnJ WKH JLUO Ln WKH ELNLnL, WKHn with all due respect to comedian Jeff Foxworthy, you might just be a redneck.

By the way, the manager of the Bare Knuckle Babes, Jennifer Drake — wife of champion noodler Eddie Drake — is quoted in the story as admitting that Ms. Millsap was an “outlaw noodler” before 7HxDV OHJDOLzHG WKH DFWLYLWy Ln 2011.

5LJKW WKHUH , OHDUnHG Wwo PoUH WKLnJV , GLGn’W Nnow: (1) NooGOLnJ KDV LWV own FKDPSLon. (2) Noodling used to have its own outlaws.

The discovery of this whole noodling thing just leaves me incredulously shaking my head. I’m guessing even the worms living in Oklahoma and Texas feel the same way.

SHH, LI woUPV wHLJKHG 72 SounGV DnG OLYHG Ln underwater caves, they too could have their own rassling tournaments.

Hello …Vince?