New refrigerator gets a cool reception and a cold shoulder
With a big Labor aay weekend shopping excursion already scheduled, The Blonde Accountant decided to start warming up her shopping skills in the bullpen a week early. That’s how I found myself at the big appliance store last weekend.
Apparently we are updating our kitchen and are in the process of converting all the appliances to stainless steel. I have absolutely no idea what that means or why it is important. In fact, I didn’t even notice that we were doing it. It makes me think that someday she might want to update me when I’m not paying attention. I’ll wake up one morning with a goatee and an earring, or something like that.
But here is my approach on major appliances: Frankly, I do not spend any time whatsoever thinking about stainless steel. If the dishwasher works, great, we don’t need a new dishwasher. If the refrigerator and microwave are in fine working order, swell, then we don’t need a new refrigerator or microwave.
Well, I was wrong. (No surprise there, huh?) It seems that standing around our kitchen and doing their jobs isn’t good enough for major appliances. They have to do it with a little style.
The old appliances, they have no style at all. They are dated. And they are now, after all these years, the wrong color — bisque. Just exactly what is bisque anyway and when did it become a color?
But I have been around long enough to know that kitchens with panache are important to some in the household, so there we were last weekend in the big appliance store, ready to take advantage of the big pre-Labor aay sale. If I had paid closer attention to the advertisements and listened more intently to the sales pitches, I would likely have thought the big appliance store was going to give me a refrigerator for next to nothing.
Naturally, the listed price was not exactly “next to nothing.” But the dadgummed thing was stainless steel, so hey, we got a ballgame now. Pack it up and ship it out.
Actually, I did have some input into the decision. My first requirement for a new refrigerator was that it dispense crushed ice. What can I say, I like crushed ice.
Secondly, I wanted the front surface to be big enough to hold all my magnets and other doodads — family pictures and such. This to me is one of the more critical functions of a refrigerator.
When all the haggling was done and the second thoughts had been dispelled, we ended up with a 26-inch-cubic-foot fridge with French doors. French doors? What are French doors and why to we need them on the refrigerator? It would have been a little more practical, I think, to get a French guy to stand next to the refrigerator and open the doors for me every time I was looking for a snack. But The Blonde Accountant promptly pooh-poohed that notion because we have no place for a French guy to sleep at our house. We’ve got teenagers sleeping all over the place already.
I did not, however, get the magnet-ready option on this refrigerator. Apparently, magnets don’t stick to this type of stainless steel. Really? How can one manufacture a steel refrigerator and not include a magnet-ready option on it?
Ahhhh. Phooey. Once we got down to the paperwork part of the deal — we ended up with a new stainless steel microwave, too, because there was an additional $1 million or so off the deal if one bought two appliances rather than just one — I was sufficiently bored and decided to check out the neighboring bedroom and bathroom store. That right there should describe just how bored I was.
But I’m having issues with the wastebaskets in our master bedroom and bathroom. See, they’re both too small. I use one tissue, toss it in the wastebasket, and it needs to be emptied. Since I am sice President in Charge of Emptying the Household Trash Cans, I am perpetually on trash duty — duty more suited for the teenagers in the house but they’re always too busy sleeping.
I did find some larger trash cans at the bedroom and bathroom store, but they weren’t foofie enough for the master bedroom and bathroom, and besides, they were stainless steel. Apparently bisque is a more acceptable color in the master bedroom and bathroom. Go figure. I guess we are now sufficiently warmed up for the big holiday shopping excursion this weekend at the Limerick outlet mall. Swell.
And all I wanted was crushed ice.
Mike Morsch is executive editor of Montgomery Newspapers and author of the book, “Dancing in My Underwear: The Soundtrack of My Life.” He can be reached by calling 215-542-0200, ext. 415, or by email at msquared35@yahoo. com. This column can be found at www.montgomerynews.com.