That time Big Brother made me an offer

Not long ago, I received a letter in the mail from Big Brother. In big bold script, it announced: “You were chosen to REPRESENT!”

I am not making this up.

As you might imagine, I was both flattered and somewhat discombobulated. I mean, I was aware (as we all are in the internet age) that I was being watched. But I had not expected any direct contact from Big Brother or any of his emissaries.

And I certainly wouldn’t expect to receive a communique by snail mail.

But here it was, in letter form, an invitation from the company that produces the television and radio Nielsen ratings.

“Your household was randomly selected to represent your community,” the included material informed me. “All the possible addresses or telephone numbers within the area were put into a computer and your address or telephone number was randomly selected.”

Upon agreeing to become a Nielsen viewer, it read: “You make your voice heard. You are one of the few selected in your area to let radio and TV stations know what you listen to and watch or whether you listen or watch at all! Your participation helps determine what radio and TV stations are put on the air. And you can receive cash rewards each month as our thanks for taking part.” What? The letter promised that “each eligible participant” in my household would receive a $20 “welcome gift.” And that each person could then receive up to $15 a month.

And that after we’ve participated for 90 days, each person would receive a one-time $50 gift.

And on top of all that, there would be opportunities to receive bonuses. See MONTINI, Page 2E