End of friendship causes crisis

Dear Abby: My best friend, “Ann,” abruptly ended our friendship seven years ago and I still can’t get over it.

We were friends from the time we were in first grade until we were 48.

We were inseparable as children; she was the maid of honor in my wedding; and though we’ve lived 3,000 miles apart for most of our adult lives, we maintained a close friendship through phone calls and yearly visits.

Then Ann got mad about something I said and stopped returning calls.

Finally, when I asked her what was wrong, she emailed me that our friendship “wasn’t working” for her and she “wished me well.”

Around the time she stopped talking to me, she also cut ties with two other friends, and a couple of years later, stopped talking to her father. So this is a pattern with her.

I have solid relationships with my husband, grown kids, co-workers and other friends. Still, I can’t shake this sense of loss. I miss Ann and think of her every day. I need closure, but don’t know how to get it. She won’t return phone calls or emails.

Losing her makes me feel like every other relationship is at risk.

I now live in fear of alienating or angering my other friends. How can I overcome these emotions and get on with my life?

— Suffering in San Francisco

Dear Suffering: You can get past this by scheduling some sessions with a therapist, or talking to your clergyperson.

Surely by now you realize that Ann may have some issues. Please don’t make them yours.

Your other friends are not clones of this woman and are not likely to react in the extreme way she does. While counseling may not lessen your sense of loss, I hope it will give you a measure of peace of mind.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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