Lawyer’s offer of help dismissed

Dear Abby: I have a close friend, “Samantha,” whom I met in law school four years ago. We both graduated in 2014. I have passed the bar exam, and so have all our friends from school, but Samantha has not.

She was in a bad relationship back in school and planned to marry the guy. That fell apart, and she’s now dating a guy who seems to be pretty great. Samantha has failed the bar exam twice now, and I know she’s smart enough to pass. I have offered encouragement, to help her study and critique her practice essays, but she has refused.

I want to find a way to get through to her that it’s OK to ask for help. I’d like to suggest that maybe she should put the new boyfriend on hold for a while as she studies for the next exam. I know it will be hard for her and most likely embarrassing, but I am her friend, and I want her to get what she worked so hard for.

— Cheering Her On in Brooklyn, N.Y.

Dear Cheering: You are a caring and well-meaning friend, but Samantha has refused your generous offer. While you may wish she’d put her romance on hold until she passes the bar, it’s possible her emotional needs are greater than you understand. If you want to retain her friendship, back off and let her find her own way through this, or you may wind up driving her away.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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