It’s never too early to learn spaghetti-eating etiquette

Today’s question: What is the polite way to eat spaghetti? My mother said I should ask you. I am nine years old. You’re nine years old? OK. Don’t tell your mother you got this from me, but I say at your age you can eat your spaghetti however you damn well please.

Sorry, kid, make that darn well please.

Of course, on the off chance your parents foolishly take you out in public you probably should eat with a little less, shall we say, gusto.

For one thing, don’t twirl the pasta against a spoon. I am told honestto-goodness Italians look down on that sort of thing.

I believe the secret is to take it a little bit at a time. Don’t try to manage a whole fistful of spaghetti all at once.

Just aim for a little bit, twirl it around your fork with a little twist of wrist and hoist it up to your mouth. Don’t cut it with a knife. That sort of thing just isn’t done.

Here’s a tip: Whatever way you go about it, take a bite and put down your fork and look at your mom or dad or whoever cooked and exclaim, “Molto bene.”

That means “very good.” Your parents should be impressed.

If you want to push your luck, patiently explain to your parents that pasta is meant to be served in small portions after the appetizer and before the salad.

Let me know how this works out for you.

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